Thoughts on "Water"

[workerbee73.livejournal.com]

Ok, y'all, I tried really hard to bring the thinky thoughts this week, but sadly, I am coming up short.  The lack of pilots in this ep leaves me a wee bit uninspired.  So in the immortal words of my co-conspirator, Tara, when in doubt, bring the funny.

So first off, we interrupt this broadcast to bring you:

Better Uses for Water (rations):

1. Pilot shower sex.
2. Pilots fighting with the waterhose.
3. Lee giving Kara that bath.
4. Kara returning the favor.
5. Wet t-shirt contest on Galactica!!
6. Filling up Tigh's alcohol bottle so he thinks he has more drinks left.
7. Putting Hot Dog's hand in a pan of water while he's sleeping.
8. Shoving water balloons down your sports bra to distract other players at Triad.
9. Two words:  Mud wrestling.
10. Soaking the CAG's bunk so has has to share yours.
11. Filling the pool so you can go skinny dipping on Cloud Nine.
12. Letting Jake actually have a goddamn drink on New Caprica (instead of just notes in his bowl).
13. Hydrating prior to pilot sexin'.
14. Rehydrating after pilot sexin'.
15. For showers that require teeny tiny post-shower towels.

(PS-- taragel  totally came up with most of these (and definitely the funny ones.))

And now... a very silly picspam (with super silly commentary):

Previously on Battlestar Galactica:

• The Cylons were chasing the Colonials through space, requiring them to jump every 33 minutes for FIVE WHOLE DAYS!
• Everyone got really tired and bitchy.
• Everyone started looking really rough (except for Lee, who, defying space and time and all kinds of logic, looks even better with his SCRUFF OF UNBEARABLE HOTNESS!)
• The CAG and the Hotshot Problem Pilot began a longstanding tradition of fighting and eyefrakking.
• Everybody got on drugs, they escaped from the cylons, and oh yeah, had to shoot down a ship with a bunch of people on it.

And what you didn't see but what happened between this week's episode and last week's episode:

• To make themselves feel better, the kids held a big drunken triad tournament.
• ....things got a bit out of hand.
• AND NOW, we see the fallout from the previous night's entertainment......

This week on Battlestar Galactica:



Boomer can't remember at what point in the evening she thought it would be a good idea to take a shower with her clothes on.



Lee remembers telling the entire squadron that he was the Captain ... of the high school math team.



Someone had a little too much fun with the C-4 last night.



Tigh thinks the best way to beat a hangover it to keep right on drinking.



Kara... is still playing triad.


LATER THAT MORNING...



"Son, that new school-teacher-turned-President is awful cute.  Do you think you might could find out if she's dating anyone?"



"What?"  **is deeply disturbed**


TEN MINUTES LATER...



"Mmmm.  He's so totally checking me out."

THIRTY SECONDS AFTER THAT...



"HA!  She's looking at me!  I knew it!"

THIRTY SECONDS AFTER THAT:



"Ok, now this is just getting downright uncomfortable."


MEANWHILE, BACK ON CRAPRICA....



Helo is sad to be missing all the drunken triad games.



"I know, bb.  But at least we can have radioactive rainy monkey sex until we find a way off the planet!"



Helo is greatly excited by this news.


BACK ON GALACTICA....



"Ladies and gentlemen, we have a serious problem.  There is a liquor shortage in the fleet.  At the rate of Starbuck's ambrosia consumption, coupled with regular drunken triad games and keeping Colonel Tigh's beverage cabinet stocked, we are scheduled to run out of liquor or alcohol of any kind in.... 5 days."



**stunned silence**



"This is serious.  I want the fleet put on emergency rations until we can locate more booze.  All triad tournaments must cease until we find a new supply."



"This is a bunch of CRAAAAAAAP.  I demand a second opinion!"


TEN MINUTES LATER:



"Umm.... yeah guys.  We seriously will run out of liquor if we don't stop drinking so much."



"But---this show is supposed to run for at least four seasons.  How can we possibly maintain the multiplicity of far-fetched and unbelievable storylines without a steady stream of alcohol?"



"We must search within this star system to locate another source of liquor.  Our very survival depends upon it.  It's our only hope."


FIFTEEN  MINUTES AFTER THAT:



"Boomer, I don't have to tell you how important this mission is.  There's a fleet full of raging alcoholics who are counting on you."


TWO HOURS AND 36 MINUTES LATER (which, for Tigh and Starbuck felt much, much longer than that):



"Oh my gods!!  Crashdown, I've got positive readings for ambrosia, bourbon and vodka.  Praise Zeus!  This is enough liquor to sustain the fleet through our contract with Sci FI!!!"


TWENTY-SEVEN MINUTES AFTER THAT:



There was much rejoicing.


SEVERAL DRINKS AFTER THAT...



**hiccups**  "Captain Apollo, while I greatly admire your unbearably hot scruff, I feel like the President should probably date more within her own age range.  Bearing that thought in mind... do you think you could ask your dad if he like-likes me?"




"....Seriously?  You seriously want me to ask him that?  I thought you called me in here to ask me to be your military advisor or, I dunno, something actually important, but instead you want me to see if he... like-likes you?  What are you guys, twelve?  Should I pass him a note with checkboxes?"



"Do you think it would help?"




**sigh**  "You guys are ridiculous."


----THE END----

(Screencaps courtesy of GalacticaBBS.)


Ok, ok, here's what really happened:

• Boomer totally plants explosives to make Galactica's water system go kablooey.  She's also in complete denial about this.
• Lee feels bad about shooting down the Olympic Carrier.  Adama's kind of a jerk about it, but Laura's pretty nice when he talks to her.
• Starbuck, smokes, plays cards and flirts with Baltar (setting the stage for one of the most awkward post-coital scenes in the history of television.)
• The fleet finds more water.
• Lee gets his second in a very long line of jobs-- this time as Captain Apollo Military Advisor Extraordinaire.
• Boomer's still totally a cylon.

Thus endeth the silly rewatch post.
 

Comments

[antismiles.livejournal.com]

HAHAHAHA, YOU HAVE REVEALED TO THE PEONS THE TRUTH. (WHICH I, BEING ME (READ: OMNISCIENT) ALREADY KNEW.)

BRAVO, BB. GRADE A CRACK. THE FANDOM CRACK DEALER APPROVES.

[workerbee73.livejournal.com]

YAY!! **TWIRLS**

PALI-APPROVED CRACK!!! WOO HOO!!!

[eugis.livejournal.com]

HAHAHAHAHAH THIS IS AWESOME! :D:D:D I love cracky recaps.

Better Uses for Water (rations)
I completely agree. If you are going to have hot shower!sex with the CAG, you need water! ;)

And yes, Lee could have totally been the captain of the math team. He's nerd at heart (and we have his hairstyle as a proof of that in the AoC flashback ;P)

[callmeonetrack.livejournal.com]

Dude, I just noticed his hair in that shot yesterday! DORKTASTIC!!

[antismiles.livejournal.com]

Ok, ok, here's what really happened:

* Boomer totally plants explosives to make Galactica's water system go kablooey. She's also in complete denial about this.
* Lee feels bad about shooting down the Olympic Carrier. Adama's kind of a jerk about it, but Laura's pretty nice when he talks to her.
* Starbuck, smokes, plays cards and flirts with Baltar (setting the stage for one of the most awkward post-coital scenes in the history of television.)
* The fleet finds more water.
* Lee gets his second in a very long line of jobs-- this time as Captin Apollo Military Advisor Extraordinare.
* Boomer's still totally a cylon.

What do you mean, "really happened"? I thought the picspam was trufax. Are you telling me...

*GASP* BEE! ARE YOU TELLING ME YOU ARE A LYING LIAR WHO LIES?!?!?!?!?! *BETRAYED*

[workerbee73.livejournal.com]

Pali, just take a deep breath and repeat after me:

"I believe in BSG crack. I believe in BSG crack..."

[rayruz.livejournal.com]

Um.... I think this post made me DIE with joy. Mainly because well... Water and Litmus are my two least favorite episodes of S1.

"Oh my gods!! Crashdown, I've got positive readings for ambrosia, bourbon and vodka. Praise Zeus! This is enough liquor to sustain the fleet through our contract with Sci FI!!!"
HEH!!!!!!!

I also quite enjoyed the

"....Seriously? You seriously want me to ask him that? I thought you called me in here to ask me to be your military advisor or, I dunno, something actually important, but instead you want me to see if he... like-likes you? What are you guys, twelve? Should I pass him a note with checkboxes?"

Um... yes.

[workerbee73.livejournal.com]

: )

I really REALLY tried to do something thinky and smart, but it just wasn't going to happen.

I think Laura and Bill could have solved things a lot sooner by resorting to some "yes, no, maybe" checkboxes. ; P

[callmeonetrack.livejournal.com]

Oh that was FANTASTIC!! I started giggling out loud at the (first) press conference and didn't stop till the end. Tigh's face in that screenshot!! PRICELESS! I might have to icon it.

I still like our list too. (Funny was definitely the way to go. ;)

(And you know if they really were running out of the alky, they could've stolen RDM's scotch. Maybe the ending woudl have actually made some sense then! GRR.)

[workerbee73.livejournal.com]

YAY!!! Glad you like it, my partner in crackiness!

I was really happy with the way the press conference turned out too. : )

The list is classic (and most helpful!)

One could only hope. : /

[antismiles.livejournal.com]

*gasp*

I spot a Leeface in the picspam! You know what this means?

LEEFACE SPAMMAGE.



(Shut up, you know you love me and my comment frenzies.)

[eugis.livejournal.com]

If you say comment frenzies...

[meiou-set.livejournal.com]

This was an amazing recap--I couldn't stop laughing! Yay for BSG crack!

[workerbee73.livejournal.com]

Yay indeed!! Sometimes the only thing you can do is bring the funny. I may start rewriting all of my less-than-favorite episodes this way.....

[somewhereapart.livejournal.com]

I loved every word of this. And I giggled. A lot.

[workerbee73.livejournal.com]

Huzzah!! We were defintiely after the giggles with this one. : D

[latteaddict.livejournal.com]

Hahahaha. Very funny. And I do believe this is what the episode was actually about!

[workerbee73.livejournal.com]

Precisely. : )

Water shortage? Pshaw. The real threat would have been running out of booze.

[latteaddict.livejournal.com]

I swear I posted a comment but I can not see it, Captain!

Anyway, I thought this was completely funny and I opted to have these events be canon.

[latteaddict.livejournal.com]

And now my first silly comment shows up! *shakes head* Typical.

[cosetteferaud.livejournal.com]

**giggles**

Love the cracky and silly recaps!! It is not that I hate "Water" but... thinky thoughts about it? Hard! ;P

# Hydrating prior to pilot sexin'.
# Rehydrating after pilot sexin'.

**hahaha** This cracked me up. Yeah, I am sure Kara and Lee would need A LOT of water.

Boomer, I don't have to tell you how important this mission is. There's a fleet full of raging alcoholics who are counting on you."

HAHAHAHA!!!! We all know that BSG is a show about alcohol (and arms and hair ;P)

[workerbee73.livejournal.com]

Hee. Sorry, but this was the only way around my writer's block (when in doubt, resort to crack...)

*g* Staying hydrated is VERY important.

It is!! The alcohol is amost like it's own character. ; P

[shefcat.livejournal.com]

Way to go on the cracky recap, Bee. it's the only thing you could do with a non-piloty epi like Water.

And thanks for clearing things up about the discovery of the ambrosia/bourbon/vodka planet (is that next to Chief's hot fudge planet???). I always thought the alcohol manufacturing plant was snuggled in between the photo shop, the toilet paper factory, and the tailor shop where Lee had his suits and shirts made....guess I was wrong....learn something new re BSG every day, I suppose.

[workerbee73.livejournal.com]

Thanks girl! This was a lot of fun. I may do this with all the pilot!meh episodes from now on....

I think they discovered the hot fudge planet sometime in season 2. And I think you're thinking of the alcohol packaging and distribution plant (also where there make box labels and such). Which, coincidentally, is right next to Dee's Super-Secret lip gloss and purple eye shadow manufacturing venue.

Sigh. It takes a lot to keep a completely dysfunctional fleet up and running. *g*

[dianora2.livejournal.com]

Mmmm, at least I get Gaius being a sexy bitch with his blazer and cigarette and floppy hair. Yum.

[workerbee73.livejournal.com]

HA! He totally is. I was just thinking that his hair looked just perfect in this ep-- not too long, not too short and sans Jesus beard. : )

[isla-verdad.livejournal.com]

There's a time for thinky thoughts, and a time for cracktastic crack, and it's clearly time for the latter. Yay! This was my fav:

**hiccups** "Captain Apollo, while I greatly admire your unbearably hot scruff, I feel like the President should probably date more within her own age range. Bearing that thought in mind... do you think you could ask your dad if he like-likes me?"

Love the picspam too. When in doubt, make the ep all about pilots anyway. If it isn't, it should be!

[workerbee73.livejournal.com]

YAY!!! I'm so glad you enjoyed. The snark can be most therapeutic sometimes. : )

[kellychameleon3.livejournal.com]

Hee! Great job, bb! Lurves it. I have been very stabby towards BSG lately and this totes cheered me up. I didn't rewatch this ep and I don't actually think I'll be watching anymore because it's making it worse instead of better but I'll def have to keep up with the disco. :)

[workerbee73.livejournal.com]

Huzzah!! Crack totally helps heal the wounds. Use it regularly my fiend. : ) And I hope you stay around for the disucssion, hon!

[bonita-chica71.livejournal.com]

"Boomer, I don't have to tell you how important this mission is. There's a fleet full of raging alcoholics who are counting on you."- LOL! This is great, 'cause as we all know water is code for booze in BSG-verse! :P

[workerbee73.livejournal.com]

Exactly. The real crisis in that universe would be no booze. ; P

[justascrewup2.livejournal.com]

OMG - this was awesome and hilarious. I'll definitely take my BSG with a side of crackiness. You know, in the absence of hot pilot eyefrakking :)

[rdave1.livejournal.com]

HAHAHAHA!!!

OMG! I totally love your version so much better then the actual episode. To me this episode was bit pointless, we really didn't learn anything new, we knew Boomer was a cylon already.

I love your list of water usage. How about guys playing pyramid while the girls are hosing them wet?

Leeland, we are still waiting for you to give her that bath.:)

Loved the picspam, poor Lee having to play the go-between Dad and Mom. AKWARD!!!

[thegreenkitty.livejournal.com]

Love the picspam and the crack!!

IMO, the only point of this epi was to help bring Roslin into the "family" by starting the A/R banter and enlisting Lee as "military advisor". So once upon a time before we really knew these guys, we started to realize that A/R were going to be Dad/Mom, and since Bill was already Dad to Kara and Lee (incest is best!) ;) we now have our happy foursome.

p.s.--i love that Kara and Lee can sort themselves out with two good punches but that Adama/Roslin require notes with check boxes!!

[thrace-adama.livejournal.com]

Lee giving Kara that bath.
Kara returning the favor.

YESSSS. Too funny. Loved that you included some fanon uses for that water! And the recap was glorious. Baltar's face during the press conference was PERFECT for that caption! This is definitely not a favorite ep (which is why I put off watching it for far too long), so I loved that I didn't have to try to bring serious thoughts!! Shipper rewatches rock. <3