DPP: I still remember the sun always warm on my back...

[rayruz.livejournal.com]

Or not.

The other day, I was flipping through my AO3 archive, and found that I'd started a fic with the line "The other kids started to be afraid of Kara Thrace in the 5th grade," and went on to describe a scene where she pushes a kid for bullying someone else and ends up in trouble for it.

When we think about Kara and Lee's childhoods, I think, as fandom, we generally think about what the show showed us about their relationships to their parents, and...well... abuse, neglect, general not good times. However, I say that we do not think about their childhoods enough. That's the thing about children, whether you like them or not, you were one at some point. Same goes for our lovely pilots.

Today, I thought maybe we could spend some time chatting about what they might have been like as kids-be it in elementary school, middle school, or high school, there's a wide range of stuff out there that made our pilots who they are today. Who did they connect to--friends? teachers? coaches? counselors? Who did they not get along with? Did they play video games, read books? Why exactly can Kara quote poetry off the top of her head? (For those watching Caprica, or not if you're so inclined) Does Lee have any connection at all to his Tauron heritage? First boyfriend/girlfriend/one-night stand? The questions go on and on.

Before it was canon-shafted to hell there were fics about Kara and Lee knowing each other in their younger years, pre-Academy type stuff. Thoughts? Recommendations? Recs.

I'm just throwing it all out there for you. Feel free to discuss and drabble to your hearts content! It's late for me, so I'm gonna swing back by in the morning. <3

Comments

The Perfect Day - Part 1

[kag523.livejournal.com]

Here is a snippet for an existing story of mine, but it works just fine for a view in the life of nine year old Kara. It's one of the favorite chapters I've written about her.



Chapter 17: A Perfect Day

Nine year old Kara Thrace is walking side by side with her father. The two of them have snuck away from their dingy apartment on this hot summer day for an adventure together. With no thought to cost or consequence – (money is always tight in the Thrace household) – they have been doing absolutely everything that Kara loves to do: feeding the white winged swans at the Leto Water-Gardens, visiting the Delphi Museum where her father tells her the ancient stories of Kobol (three-headed Cerebus, the Twelve Labours of Heracles, the Arrow of Apollo) as she tiptoes along in awed silence, then running along the stone pathways in the adjoining tree-filled park, eating ice cream and caramel corn from the vendors and talking – always talking.

It is a perfect day.

Kara worships her father. She loves these stolen moments when it is just the two of them, where no one else in the worlds can touch them. Although she is proud that he is a musician – she keeps an unopened magnetic tape of his first recording hidden under her folded, threadbare pyjamas in the bottom drawer of her bedroom dresser – she also suffers whenever he is away. It is more than just loneliness... Socrata has high expectations and a short temper with everyone, and when Kara is alone with her, this force is directed at her alone.

Kara knows that it is her father’s pride that has him constantly telling her mother about Kara’s “uniqueness” and his certainty that she has a “special destiny”. Although Kara glows with these compliments, she secretly wishes he would never say this about her. For with the words come expectation... and with any failure on her part (a “B” on an exam, a missed pass at a junior-pyramid game) comes Socrata’s frustration and Kara’s ensuing punishments. Her arms ache with the thought.

Kara has been diligently disciplined in the release of her mother’s rage. Bruises, abrasions and occasional breaks are her constant companion. Her father doesn’t know this, because she’s never told him. In her few short years, Kara has become an expert at hiding her pain. There is a reason behind it of course. She’s heard Karl’s stories about his father’s departure, leaving his mother and four young children behind and destitute.

They fight about her already. Kara is terrified that her father will leave if he ever learned the truth about his wife...

As the sun beats down on her bare arms, a part of her young mind knows, with complete certainty that there will be a price for today’s happiness – (‘there always is,’ an internal voice reminds her) – but the day will be worth it. She knows that when the two of them return, Socrata’s fury will greet them both at the door, and Kara will be sent to her room while her parents explode in anger, attacking each other. Kara doesn’t care. She smiles happily up at her father, her small hand clutched tightly in his own.

She loves him completely.

His face is turned away from Kara at the moment, his mouth pressed closed around the base of a burning cigarette. He’s been chain-smoking all day, and Kara can tell that something is bothering him. He scans the park anxiously for a moment, before turning back to his daughter, surprised to see her watching him. She grins, her eyes – almost green in the bright light – sparkling mischievously. He drops the cigarette butt onto the ground, crushing it under the heel of his worn out dress shoes, then slaps his hands against his knees.

“Ready to go, kiddo?”




The Perfect Day - Part 2

[kag523.livejournal.com]

Kara laughs gleefully as they walk off together, arm in arm, her father whistling the refrain of a new composition he has been working on as they go. He is rushing her for some reason – she doesn’t know why – but she doesn’t care. She is happy to rush, because this day has been full of wonderful surprises and as long as she is with her father, she knows everything will be alright.

By the time they finally reach the arts-focused Orpheus district of Delphi, Kara’s back is slick with sweat under her t-shirt. Her father glances both ways as they move along the street, before taking her hand again, and pulling her quickly down a darkened alley to a small door, with the words “fire exit” painting in peeling letters across it.

Daniel raps quickly, glancing over his shoulder nervously every few seconds while they wait. Moments later, the muffled sound of approaching feet can be heard and suddenly the door opens revealing the smiling face of a long-haired, scruffy looking young man wearing a black t-shirt and pants.

“Thought I heard you, Dreilide,” he says happily, pulling Kara’s father into a quick, half-hug, and clapping him on the back roughly.

“This means a lot to me,” Daniel says, smiling and ducking his head. The young man laughs then and shrugs. “I owe you one, man” he says, but Daniel shakes his head, then takes his daughter’s hand and leads her into the hallway. Her father calls back over his shoulder as they walk.

“Let me know if you see that grey-haired guy again, okay?” and then the two of them are engulfed in darkness.

They are in an old Caprican opera house; one of the few left in Delphi. It is the kind that catered to the social elite three or four hundred years ago. Rows upon rows of carved theatre chairs covered with fading red velvet – now a dusty pink in some areas – fill the cavernous space. Their footfalls echo on the scarred wooden floor as the two of them walk in, side by side, in the empty expanse. Kara’s eyes are pulled upward in prayerful awe to the glittering chandeliers that light the distant vaulted ceiling. They sparkle like diamonds from a fairy story; so many of them she can’t imagine. Face raised, her eyes are now drawn to the worm-eaten wood-work that wraps the interior of the space. The inside is full of intricate carvings of the gods and demi-gods. They look down at Kara with amused interest as she stares at them open-mouthed. Some of them, she is sure, still shine with the last remnants of the gold they were once painted with.

Her father has a sad smile on his face. This is exactly what he wants to share with her. Her reaction even greater than he’d hoped. He lets her eyes drink their fill before he interrupts.

“Do you want to come onstage with me?” he asks hoarsely, eyes full of unshed tears. Kara laughs loudly, filling the huge space with her unbridled happiness, before running, feet pounding, up the stairs at the side of the stage. Daniel follows her slowly, watching her explore, and finally comes to sit next to her on the shiny black bench sitting before a grand piano. Kara looks up at him, and he smiles again. “Do you remember your song?” he asks.

And on a stage where the best musicians, players and minstrels in the Twelve Colonies have performed countless melodies and dramas over the previous centuries, they play their song together.

The Perfect Day - Part 3

[kag523.livejournal.com]

It is dusk when they arrive back at the apartment. Her mother isn’t home yet for some reason, and Kara is relieved. Nothing can wreck this day for her now. Her father doesn’t take his shoes off when they come in. Instead he walks over to the worn kitchen table, and pulls from his pocket a white envelope with the name “Socrata” written across it, setting it gently atop the clutter of other items. He pauses for a few seconds, just staring at it sitting there before turning to Kara again.

“I’ve got to run out and grab some smokes,” he says suddenly, and makes as if to leave. Kara watches him, confused. She is sure that there is a half-full pack on the table, but she says nothing. Daniel takes several steps away from her, not meeting her eyes, then pauses, unmoving, before the front door. He half-turns, smiling suddenly, the skin around his eyes crinkling with love.

“Open your hands, and close your eyes and I will give you a big surprise...”

Her father speaks the enchanted words from Kara’s childhood, and she laughs aloud. It is a game they have played many time through the years. From the time she was a baby, he would hand her little trinkets or candy while saying this rhyme, then make her promise to keep her hands closed around it. The magic, according to him, was to wait as long as possible before revealing the gift. The longer you waited, he once said, the better the object inside would be.

Obediently, Kara closes her eyes and raises her hands out, supplicant before him. In a moment, something small and cool is placed into her left palm, her father’s gentle fingers pressing her own closed around this tiny offering. She looks up at him in surprise; she can’t imagine what this can be.

He is watching her make these connections when he says quietly, “don’t show it to your mother.” He sighs, and adds, “this gift is just for you.” His face breaks then, becoming full of sadness. In a swift movement, he pulls her into a painfully tight hug, whispering into her golden hair: “I love you Kara Artemis Thrace... and don’t you forget it.”

He opens the door, and is gone.

Kara waits all evening to discover the surprise. She waits through her mother’s angry return to the small apartment. She waits through the storm of her rage at the newly-discovered letter. She waits for the drinking to begin, and to end. She waits until Socrata’s form is lying passed-out on the couch before she even thinks of releasing the pressure of her clutched fist. Kara lays in her bed, the tender pinks and reds of a newly-hatching black eye coloring her left cheek and eyelid, as she slowly opens the aching fingers of her left hand.

The magic has worked. It is a thin silver band.

[ninety6tears.livejournal.com]

All of my head-canon facts I can think of off the top of my head:

In my (seemingly obnoxiously ubiquitous) WIP that talks at one point about Zak and Lee's younger years in a way that explains some of the differences between them, I basically imagine that Lee sadly did not have much of a childhood because he was forced to grow up pretty fast, so that he could take care of his brother. I imagine there was a point of him having that realization that his mother wasn't taking good care of them and that he would have to basically take charge, so in my mind he's very used to depending on himself, while Zak on the other hand probably turned out slightly less bitter with the family but always felt kind of overshadowed by his brother.
I think Lee is very "Capricanized" and probably isn't in touch with Tauron culture much at all.
I think growing up he probably was one of those good catches who managed to have a whole line of nearly identical relationships with nearly identical, generically attractive women. I have always, always thought, that Kara is not his "type," or that he at least would not have considered himself attracted to women like her until he first laid eyes on her.

I totally think Kara was a bully, too. I don't think she was nearly as violent as a kid but I can imagine she might have attempted to be a bossy, powerful person around her peers at school because she would never have felt that kind of control at home. I've always imagined that Kara just connected with guys more in terms of making friends; maybe because of her daddy issues, maybe because she's always been frequently sexual with people she cares about, maybe some other borishly un-Freudian reason. In my mind she had a lot of close guy friends growing up and was probably physical and cuddly with a lot of them.
I think Kara was drinking long before it was legal for her to drink, and I think she was an alcoholic before she lost her virginity. She lost it to her first serious boyfriend, who dumped her for a lousy reason, and her mother hardly bothered to comfort her, instead bemoaning to her about how you can't trust people like that and she shouldn't be all that surprised.
I am almost positive that William Adama is the first authority figure who has ever seen enough potential in Kara to inspire feelings that would make her want to adopt them as a kind of parental figure. I think throughout school she managed to misbehave in ways that wouldn't have sent up much of a red flag, and was a good liar about things because she didn't want her mother to get in trouble, so she didn't really have anyone to mentor her through her problems when she was a kid.

[scifishipper.livejournal.com]

I wrote a short fic with a snapshot of Kara's childhood with her mother. Some might have already seen it. It was part of a writing challenge in which I was asked to portray a character in a robbery.

Fear Gets You Killed (http://sci-fi-shipper.livejournal.com/25767.html)

This post also has me thinking about the thing that kept Kara from becoming hard and taking the typical abused child path to destruction, unhealthy relationships or general fuckupery. When I think about it, there are a few things that come to mind.

Father: Much has been said, so I'll be brief. The one thing that her father taught her, in my mind, was that she is lovable. I know, often she is portrayed as feeling unlovable and I understand the core of doubt that runs through her, but I get the sense that on some level she felt loved by her father, despite his leaving. That love creates strength and resilience that has allowed her to have close and meaningful relationships with Adama, Lee and Sam. Yes, she is self-destructive and impulsive (in school and as an adult), but there is a sweet vulnerability that has not been crushed - I see that as her father's influence.

Mother: Despite Socrata's abuse, or maybe because of it, Kara has developed a strong barrier against traumatic experiences. She has been hardened to withstand abuse and disappointment. Not only does she withstand it, she thrives on the focus it gives her. Her mother never brooked weakness, nor does Kara. Hates it, in fact. Her ability to block off all of the pain and hurt is one of the things that makes her so fascinating (and so hard to watch sometimes, e.g., New Caprica). That also makes her incredibly strong and powerful where others are weaker or more vulnerable. She is amazing under stress. Take away the stress and she's a bit of a mess in dealing with ordinary life.

Intelligence: One of the things I don't read too much about is Kara's intelligence. I imagine her in school as a tough-as-nails bully type with a superbrain for mathematics and engineering. The show does not focus on her intelligence, generally eschewing it for instinct-driven smarts, but she is very very bright. Very intelligent children can use those smarts to hyper-focus on goal-oriented things like work or homework as a way of coping with their problems. Even though Kara was a bully and probably had some discipline problems, my guess is that her mother made her do her homework every single night and pushed her extremely hard to be the best. We see that in Lee because it's not so camouflaged. With Kara, that drive and determination are muffled by her attitude.

Physicality: I think Kara was probably a very physically-active child. She loves sports and uses physical exercise to reduce stress. Another strong coping technique to help her deal with the difficult feelings inside her.

Wow. I'm thinky/gabby today. Sheesh.

Re: The Perfect Day - Part 3

[rachelindeed.livejournal.com]

Wow. This was so richly textured and heart-breaking. Beautiful writing. Thanks so much for sharing it! I love the idea that Kara could lose herself in so much happiness as a child, and yet regard that happiness as separate from ordinary life, as inherently fleeting. How sad that even as a child there was a voice in the back of her head telling her that every joy carried a price to be paid later. You can certainly see how she designed her joys that way later in life, defining their limits and their penalties herself (she felt in control that way). I also love the idea that the ring was a gift from her father ~ it symbolizes love lost (even life lost) in so many ways for her.

Every time I read about her dad I want to punch his lights out all over again. Interesting that you posit that her mother's abuse started before he left but that Kara hid it from him. In my own head, I imagined that it started after he left (I figured her mother took a significant downturn into both alcohol and fanaticism once her own worst nightmare had come true - I think she was as terrified of abandonment as Kara was. That's partly why Kara leaving her alone to die was probably the worst thing she could have done). I have no idea why Kara's parents loved each other, but I don't think the Socrata we saw in the Maelstrom flashback was necessarily the Socrata of Kara's earliest childhood. Why the heck would Daniel the artist have married her? It's a mystery...

You know, my husband had the most unusual reaction to Socrata that I've ever seen. After we watched Maelstrom, he told me he kind of liked her. I said, "What???" And he said there was something about her that made him think she would be hell to live with but might actually be fun to have as a comrade ~ something about her bluntness and intelligence and drive; he saw an essence there that was formidable and not wholly unattractive. She was someone you might want by your side in a crisis. The fact that she took everything good and loving inside her and twisted it into violent extremes when it came to Kara is so depressing. But I digress. Thanks again for your compelling portrait of Kara's last day of childhood, it was lovely.

[rachelindeed.livejournal.com]

I really like what you say about Kara's intelligence, it makes a lot of sense to me. She graduated 16th in her class despite all her disciplinary issues, which means she scored high in class as well as in the air. And I've always loved that little deleted scene from the Captain's Hand when she rebuts Lee's argument with unexpected trenchance and eloquence, and then sits up and says mockingly, "You hate it when she argues rationally, don't you?"

I think you may be right about Kara being a bully at school ~ I can certainly see some of those schoolyard skills (taunting and picking fights) at play both with her nuggets and with Lee at various points in the series.

I think it was shuchong's "Polish the Stars" fic that postulated that Lee used to try to beat up the *bullies* at his school as an outlet for his own pent-up frustrations, but that it never worked out very well for him. I kind of love this idea (and I kind of wish he and Kara had gone to the same school together, even briefly. It could have been an explosive combination!) I always think of the futilely-beating-up-bullies scenario when I watch the beginning of Unfinished Business and that match between him and Helo. Not that Helo is a bully at all, he's just obviously so much bigger and stronger than Lee that there's no realistic chance that Lee can do any serious damage to him. I'm sure that's exactly what Lee was looking for to let out his frustrations at that moment - he wanted someone he could go all out against who would be largely impervious to any pain he might inflict.

I also like your comment about that lingering uncrushed vulnerability in Kara, that sense that she flowers under affection and knows how to value it. I agree. I think part of that was her father, part Zak, part Helo, part Adama. Part Lee in his own way. But in her childhood, yes, I think the memory of her father kept that spark alive in her.

Re: The Perfect Day - Part 3

[kag523.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for the commentary. Such interesting ideas and comments! It will be interesting to see what other ideas people have regarding her childhood.

[ninety6tears.livejournal.com]

I totally agree about Kara's smarts. She had to be a pretty driven student and she's a good problem solver, but people seem to overlook it.

[(Anonymous)]

I always remember the fic "A Terrible, No Good Day" on fanfiction.net, when I think of Lee as a child. It's a AU story, but it has a very good description of what Lee could have been like as a child, responsible, wise beyond his age, introverted, by not as social as Zak and a loner. I think it offers quite a realistic picture of what children with absent or abusive parents, who have to take care of siblings might be like, how they sometimes adopt a very somber personality, not very childlike and are afraid of doing something wrong.
It's a really good read but absolutely heartbreaking and quite dark, so be warned! (and there's no Kara in it). I wish there was a sequel.

I guess it doesn't quite go with what we saw in the daybreak flashbacks though, since they make it seem like the Adama brothers are all in all quite normal und not totally screwed up. But I can see Lee being an uncharacteristically selfless child, who would always want to do the right thing from an early age.